I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
