just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
