i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
