she was so not down for the gang bang
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
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Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
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Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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