I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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