I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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