sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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