We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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