Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize