i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
