Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
