babies were throwing up all over the place
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
