you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
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No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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