tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
