3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
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I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
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don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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