I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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