apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
