Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
