How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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