Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
