my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
