you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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