The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
