Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
