I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
