"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
