my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
