I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
