I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
