thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
