During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
