bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I am available for nakedness
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
