You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
