what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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