some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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