the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
