Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
