explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
