It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
