your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
