i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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