my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I could fuck to npr.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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