its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I can't put those talents on a resume
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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