Buhtt sex?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
