I skipped work to stalk him.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
