I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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