my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
