The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
