are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
