I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
