I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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