I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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