Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
