He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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