So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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