I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
