Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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