You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
