im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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