Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
