So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
