Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
