I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
