The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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