people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
