Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
