u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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