So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
