i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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