We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
