Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Randomize
